A lot of my classes begin with getting clear about why we do what we do. If you’re a Realtor – why are you a realtor? Why do you sell insurance? Why are you self-employed?
The answer you come up with might be true or it might not. Ultimately, something happened and you took an action. Something else happened, and you took an action, and step by step by step, yadda, yadda, yadda, here you are, today doing whatever you do. Married to whoever you’re married to. Driving whichever car you drive. Living in whatever place you’re living in. You did this. It didn’t happen by accident. And, it’s your life.
None of this was specifically pre-ordained and I would argue, that for most of us, not a lot of it was planned. And if it was planned, was it planned in response to some event? I have a friend who hoards his money. Growing up, his father was a gambler and often left the family in the lurch for money. He promised to never do that when he was adult, so he invests, saves and hoards as a response. He set up his own wiring and is now “stuck” with that why — and no amount of money in the bank will ever be enough to change his behavior. Unless….
When we can identify where out “wiring” comes from, we can then do something about it. This is what I call “drawing a door.” Humans are merely stimulus response machines, and our responses get programmed over the years. When we can distinguish a thought process as one we created as a response to some past experience, we can then intervene and create new, more empowering responses.
Victor Frankl, author of “Man’s Search For Meaning” says, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” As far as we know, of the creatures on earth, humans are unique in this ability. Why not plug in to allow us to create more freedom and more choice in our lives?
I have always stressed over money. Thinking about money brings on a level of anxiety and stress that is so familiar I wouldn’t know how to handle ease around it. But I am shifting that response. Last year I participated in a wealth building class that not only taught me more about managing money but also helped me understand my juvenile attitudes towards it and a more mature way to manage my money. I stress less now than I ever did. I have brought faith and trust and an action plan into my money management. I have never been homeless. I have never missed a meal due to poverty. My money anxiety was a learned motivational response, and I am reprogramming that response with a focus on my why and a trust that it will go the way I am focused on having it go.
When we look at our why, we could look at past experiences that created a response to a threat or fear, real or perceived, that fixed a response we continue to justify and suffer with – or be empowered by it. But have you actually investigated it?
We could look at a why from a commitment to a future. People become doctors because they genuinely want to heal others and have a love of caring for and making people well. My friend Brad became an insurance agent to help people protect themselves from unforeseen accidents and trauma. He was protected when his family was blindsided by a major illness, and he wants to make sure every family is protected. Perhaps his choice of professions was guided by circumstance and reaction, but what drives him to be successful, what motivates him to get up every day and make phone call and quote leads is his why – his vision to protect families and hard-earned wealth.
A why can be a default response, a belief in that’s how it needs to be. Or it can be created, as a vision for future that inspires you.
Why does it matter? Are we living life by default or are we creating our own experience that leaves us inspired, motivated, energized and fulfilled or just slogging through another day?