Last week I spoke about our “rules” of life and how many of them stem from the list of “Unrealizable Fantasies.” Take a look at the list of unrealizable fantasies.
Where do you see yourself and your upsets in this list?
Unrealizable Fantasy #12: I should finish everything I start.
Do you need to finish everything that you start — so you’re afraid to start any projects cause you know you’re not going to get it done fast enough? Which of your teachers or parents told you that you must finish everything you start? What if that weren’t true? What if that rule didn’t apply to you? Maybe you could start something and pass it off to somebody else? Maybe a partial or incomplete job is good enough for this particular circumstance? Maybe it’s worth starting and see where things go? Action is the only thing that produces results so START TAKING ACTION!
Unrealizable Fantasy #8: I should never have to fix things.
Unrealizable Fantasy #10: things should never wear out.
Do you hate to buy new tires for your car? Or replace something that has broken? Do you believe that things should never wear out or things should never break? I have news for you –things wear out. Things break. Yes, it’s annoying and frustrating that we have to spend money to replace things we’ve already paid for, and it’s a fact of life. If the water heater in your home hasn’t been replaced in over 12 years, celebrate that you got a good one, because they’re not meant to last more than eight or nine. If you’ve been wearing that same sweater since high school – well, it’s time to go shopping but woohoo – look how long that thing lasted. Things wear out. Things break. When you can accept that reality, replacing your set of tires just becomes something you do every few years and may become less of a stress.
Unrealizable Fantasy #13: I should never fail at anything.
Failure is simply not achieving a desired goal or outcome – yet. Sometimes we don’t achieve the goals we set out to achieve. If we can look at failure not as “I failed” with all the drama and emotion that can bring up, but as “that didn’t work. What else can I try,” we can have power over the circumstance. We can take a critical look at our actions, the ways we took those actions, and create a new plan to keep working towards the goal.
When you hit that goal, you might find out that that’s not what you wanted anyway. Because you might have a belief like:
Unrealizable Fantasy #2: When I get X done it will solve all life’s problems.
Sometimes, reaching your goal doesn’t provide exactly what you were looking for.
Consider that behind every upset is some rule or some unrealizable fantasy. When we can identify what that is, we create freedom and power to act and move forward. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to see our own rules or fantasies at play. We think our circumstances caused our upset leaving us powerless in the face of a breakdown. That’s where a business coach comes into play and that’s my specialty, my expertise. That’s why I have a coach, coaches, who can see my rules cleared than I can. It’s a real wake up call when somebody says
“why do you believe that” and it helps create an opportunity, and allows me to Draw a Door® to a new pathway — to leave behind stress and frustration with the circumstance — to move forward towards accomplishing what I am committed to accomplishing.
Want to know more? Just give me a call